I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
