dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
