Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
