i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
