What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Alive.
So much puke
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
