can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
