The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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