WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
