is your mom at the bar?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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