I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
