My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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