the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My dick has a subreddit
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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