What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize