Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
