Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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