Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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