he was CRYING into my vagina
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
