sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
