We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
