I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So many bounce houses so little time
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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