"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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