nut hugger
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
