If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize