Your mouth is God's brothel.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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