Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
