I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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