if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
