Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
