Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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