I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
