You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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