I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
