Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
