Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
