Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
