ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
