there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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