everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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