ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
