Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
