I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
