Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
