my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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