"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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