sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
