Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
