fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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