Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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