we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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