I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
