Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well I just put wine in my tea
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
