theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
