Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
