Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize