Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
