im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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