everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
it was like eating out sand paper
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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