If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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