Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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