I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
