I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
