ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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