Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
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