If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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